The term baggage is used so often today, and it seems so many have more then they can carry, even if they can't or won't admit it. But personal drama in your life cannot be stopped at the flip of a switch and therefore becomes part of your history.
If you are one of the lucky ones, you may not carry much or any drama or history for that matter. But for most people, they have their fair share of issues. Some wear these issues on their sleeve and some hide and deal with in privacy.
Baggage is our history. And when two people meet they are starting from scratch. When you are young and meet, you are growing up together, and sharing the insecurities you feel. This is all part of puppy love. There is no history really as you are too young to have any. You two are making history, and sharing your problems, one day at a time.
But as you get a little older, unless you have know each other for a long time and run in the same circles, you have no history together. You have nothing in common when it comes to life. Even when you have conversations and tell the other about the time you did this, or one time this happened, the other is left in the dark.
It is only the passage of time, day by day, that the both of you start to establish a history together. You can then recall stories and experiences that you can both relate to, and that you have experienced together.
At this point, you will share some of the baggage that is still with you from when you were a teenager until now. You talk about an old flame and how you were hurt, or how you dumped someone and why, and the list goes on. Some of the hurts and pains that we experience when we are younger, are not easily forgotten sometimes. Whether it is from growing up at home, your childhood, or more of a romantic nature.
Things that may bother you, may not bother someone else. Letting go of these things things, or baggage, is important for you to move on to an older, more mature, and secure person. The problem is, many people have a lot of baggage they have never come to terms with, or let go of.
By letting go of this baggage is not forgetting. Letting go of it simply means that you can take one day at a time and experience life without these memories bothering you to a point that it makes you sad or angry. It stops you from living a fulfilled life.
Baggage is problems that you have not resolved to live a fairly normal, uneventful life. It can mean emotional issues, a divorce, financial issues, romantic issues, or whatever.
Baggage brings drama. And I don't know anyone that wants a lot of drama in their lives. People want peace and happiness. We strive for it, dream about it, yearn for it, and work as hard as we can to avoid it.
Baggage tends to grow in the decade of separation.
In the decade of separation, which is your forties, issues seem to affect people the most. This is a time when people tend to take a hard look at their lives, and many separate or divorce. And as you know, along with this romantic disillusionment, comes baggage that most people will carry around with them for a while.
The hurt from the divorce, maybe children were involved, and change in address, the loss of a partner, the complete change of your life, new school, new friends, loss of friends, and this list goes on and on and on. Add all this to the baggage you are already carrying, and it can be daunting. Where you feel spent, every single moment of every single day. Where you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
As life happens, issues that you have had in the past, hopefully you have dealt with as they arose. If not, you are adding to the baggage. It is really important to deal with your problems as they come, and not wait until your life is in complete kaos, but that is what most people do.
I know some issues are deep, and if you can't figure them out, then you should get professional help to learn how to deal with them. Learning to cope is the answer.
Now, as you get a little older, and hit your forties or so, if you haven't taken care of the baggage you have been accumulating, you are not living a very peaceful life. Also, as the forties are "the decade of separation, there is a very good chance you are on your own and are starting to date again.
At this time in your life, when you meet someone, other then natural attraction, you have not a lot in common. Everything you talk about with your new partner, will be a little awkward. In other words, as you talk about this and that, all your experiences were without this person. You can't say, "remember when we went _______", or "when we went to that restaurant we had such a good time".
There is no history. There is so much that the other person can't relate to. You experiences, your heartbreaks, job experiences, and family matters, to name a few. After all, your life experiences make you who you are.
So you both need to create your own history. And with a little patience, your history will develop, day by day. But, in this new relationship, how much of your life experiences have turned into baggage that you are still carrying around?
You see, the older you get, the more experiences you have had, and the probability of a lot of baggage you are bringing into a new relationship. That's not good. Many people want a relationship, but when a persons emotions start to run wild because of a circumstance, that your new partner don't understand, ti is something that they need to try and understand, deal with, and care for you anyway.
And that's ok. But, how much more baggage is there going to be? How much will your new partner have to deal with? Just how many suitcases of unresolved issues are you bring in to this new relationship?
I think you will find the initial contact between people is sensual, lustful, exciting, "and a promise of tomorrow". But once a load of baggage enters the relationship, you will find that many will back off.
Most people want peace. A life that is not continually filled with drama. Once in a while is fine, and is part of life. So, how much baggage are you bringing with you? How much baggage are you honestly telling them about? How much are you holding back?
Romantic relationships can be very fragile. And since we live in a throw away society, when something is broke we tend to just throw it away and get a new one. After all, everyone knows it's cheaper to get a new one then to fix the old one. Get it?
Not only it is important to resolve the baggage you carry around, but it is imperative. Sit down in a quiet place sometime and take a hard look at yourself and the issues that come with you. Then start to fix these so that you may go on with your life in a happy, drama free way. You'll thank yourself for it.
Remember, dealing with the baggage in your life is not forgetting it. It is there,and a part of you. The object is that you have had these experiences, and to continue to go through life where these issues no longer cripple you emotionally. They are what they are, but you can move through life where they don't bother you, and you do not keep them in the fore front of your thoughts.
Just say, "whatever". Fix what you can, and don't sweat the rest. Whatever will be, will be. As you age, and hit your forties, you are about half way done, and you can't change that. It's time to let some of these things go and not bring this baggage into you friends, family, or partners lives anymore.
Romantic relationships affect all of us as they affect our heart. And sometimes the end of these relationships can be difficult to deal with. Deal with the issues, and don't bring them into a new one, as love remembers.