...love remembers

Decade Of Separation

The decade of separation seems to be your forties. Whether you are married or live together, it seems this decade scrambles our priorities. Or maybe I should say the priorities we used to have. Men and women alike change during this time period. But why? What happens?

People reach this age and look at life and what they have worked at, suffered with, accomplished, compromised at, and the list goes on and on. When they are done contemplating the trials and tribulations of life, for some reason, many find they are not happy. And I mean not happy enough, and to leave the relationship, no matter what the cost.

I have seen documentaries and have read on the subject, and it has been said that men and women both go through menopause. But at this age, most are still a tad too young for menopause yet. It's like a pre-menopause.

So what happens? The short answer is LIFE. Change is inevitable in life we all know. And that goes for our relationships too. We are human beings and we grow, and develop.

For men, which has been talked about for many years, you hear the stories about affairs, divorce for a younger woman, and buying the sports car. They may go further and get a tattoo, grow a beard, change their wardrobe, and the list goes on. Why does this happen? What happened to the man every knew? The quick answer is that people often say "he's going through a change of life".

As an older age approaches, they try and find the youth they lost. They are getting older and don't want to. But who does? Most have worked hard, provided for their family, raised kids, saved money for their college education, and spent very little time on themselves or their happiness. Their partnership or marriage seems to wain as the closeness they felt with their partner ends up as two people living together. Period.

Life is busy, and the times you spent together when falling in love, and those feelings seem to subside. Not that they are gone, but just not in the forefront any longer. Now that he is on the downside of life and virtually can see the end coming, they want to be happy, feel young, and enjoy life. And that's not easy as they start to put on weight, lose their hair, and have to start considering putting together a will, buying more life insurance, contemplating cemetery plots, and alike. It can be depressing.

Many go into a state of depression. Some seek help from a professional, some make a lot of mistakes that will inevitably change or ruin their lives or partnerships, some will snap out of it, and some will deal with it responsibly.

Their desire for their partner partner may change also. If the partner is a homemaker or a working person doesn't matter. As time passes, they partner may let themselves go physically. We tend to accept each other but to what degree? If the partner doesn't keep themselves dressed nicely, they let themselves go physically, are always tired, do not have the time for their partner, and the list goes on, what happens to their relationship?

People always talk about two people growing apart. We do change for sure, but as we change do we bring our partner along with us to be a part of our lives? Or is that even possible?

Women change also. In many of the same ways men do. And why not? A woman gets older and grows just like a man. Her thought on many things change too. They come into their own and become different people too. The thoughts of how their life turned out to this point can be unsettling for many. Their look at their partner putting on weight, losing their hair, not getting any love or attention, and feel like they are a maid, life coach, or both.

Hands down in most relationships a woman keeps everything together. A woman makes about eighty percent of the decisions for purchases in their home. They have a lot of responsibility and when arriving in their forties, they wonder about their happiness too. Women are very independent today, not like many years ago. For the most part they are not dependent on a man for their livelihood. They are who they are. And women have sexual desires like a man too. Especially in their forties, as many find their desires are stronger and they enjoy it even more. They take second looks at younger men and think....

Happiness is a desire of theirs too. Is their man coming through with love, attention, and gratitude? Well, maybe not so much. Is it done intentionally? I don't think so in either case. But it's called life. Life just happens.

In this decade of separation, a woman seems to become stronger then they ever were when they were younger. Some don't want to compromise any more if they feel their relationship isn't worth it. Many worked at home or at a job, raised their kids and their man, and now want the rest of their life for themselves. Can you blame them? And honestly, I think you will find that a woman doesn't need a man, but a man needs a woman you will find more then not.

So what will she do and why? Life just happens. And it seems this decade of separation of the forties is real and should be taken seriously. But by the time anyone see's a problem, life already happened.

When issue's arise, no matter how silly they may sound to you, they need to be addressed, verbalized, and taken seriously as you both grow. Forming a long lasting partnership does need work because of all the shit life throws at you as we grow and change.

You both need to MAKE time for each other. You make time for everything else in life, why not each other? But people don't usually. And then the decade of separation comes and you find yourselves in a terrible circumstance. A life altering circumstance!

The mind blowing passion that you feel for your partner when you meet doesn't stay forever. Those chemicals in your brain will tend to wear off but your deep love for that person, if you remember, is still there. But you have to nurture it. Should love be a job? I hope you don't look at it this way, but it does need to be worked on, for sure. Anything worth having, is worth working for, because love remembers.

Back to Homepage from Decade Of Separation