Forgiving Your Love
Forgiving your love is not an easy thing to do, especially when they have hurt you beyond belief. Experiencing this pain is absolutely overwhelming and is something you can never forgive. Right? But who ends up holding the short end of the stick? You both do and I'll tell you why.
Many years ago I received a call from the local YMCA and they asked if I would donate my time and be a chaperon for a teen dance they were holding. I was shocked that I received the call as I knew no one at the YMCA. Who would in conversation say lets call Norm? It really didn't make any sense to me.
In prior years I worked with the public and youth. Even so, I still had no ties to the YMCA. Regardless, I said ok. It always made me feel good to help people, and those YMCA dances reminded me of younger years when that was the thing to do when I was a thirteen, or fourteen years old. The shear thought brought back a lot of good memories.
I showed up, and was introduced to a couple of people I would be working with. As the night progressed, I was speaking to a woman that was working with me and out of the blue she started talking about her sister. She was very distraught that she had been treated very unfairly by her sister and they had not spoke for some time.
Still angry about the circumstance and her feelings being hurt, she missed her very much and was upset all this had happened. The life she new just a short time ago, had changed dramatically, and life would never be the same.
For the life of me, I still to this day can't figure out who recommended that they call me for this donation of time, and how/why in the world would a woman I had never met would start telling me something so personal?
As a similar thing happened to me and my family I gave her the benefit of my experiences in this matter. Her is what I told her.
For some reason, sometimes the people we meet, know, or is family, hurt us very badly. I don't mean a typical argument, but something that hurts very deeply.
To apologize is extremely hard, and extremely important. I can't truly apologize from a 'hard' place.
Apology only works when I speak from a vulnerable place, from my heart, and let go of my need to be right. But I do it because it is the right thing to do!
Some things can't be repaired by just saying I'm sorry, but some things can only be repaired by an apology!
Carl Schneider:Director of Mediation Matters
Each of you believe each other is right, no doubt. You expect an apology and everything will go back to normal, but it doesn't come. Time goes by and still each of you believe the other owes the apology. There is no talking going on, no visiting, and no correspondence at all.
I explained to the woman that life is short. And although you have been hurt very deeply, and expect an apology, it may never come. Which means that whatever you had, will be no more. Ever!
I told her that no matter how right she was, being right was not going to solve her problem. I told her that when two people are very angry and hurt, if someone doesn't give in and start a conversation it would be the end of what you know now.
Someone has to give. It doesn't make you any less of a person, but if you didn't at least start the conversation then it would be over between you. On top of that I explained, time is a funny thing. The more time that goes by, the more the conversation won't happen.
It's more difficult to try and fix something that has passed some time ago. But when the incident just recently happened and is fresh, it is easier to rectify. You will become strangers to someone you love, and is your friend. Is it worth losing that person in your life? Is it?
Forgiving you love is the same way. You're mad and hurt badly. Usually from a misunderstanding or poorly chosen words. You walk out and don't call or see each other. You're through and that's it! Well no, that's not it. Not by a long shot.
If someone doesn't give, then you two will never speak again. That person will never ever be in your life even as a friend. Is it worth it?
Forgiving you love is not easy by a long shot. Even if you choose to go your separate ways after all of this, you have to set things right. Someone has to start the conversation, to give.
Why you ask? Because it's the right thing to do. Because even if you part ways, you once shared something that cannot be taken back. It happened and it's your history. Because what if tempers flared and you are truly meant for each other, and one of you don't give. Because you may lose the true love of your life. Because even if you part, wouldn't it be nice to have that person in your life, even as a someone that didn't work but was a good person.
Because of all the wonderful things it does. Forgiving your love is not easy, and I think by and large, we all know that. But if it was easy, everyone would do it, and they don't. So you be the one to be different.
When the anger is in your heart, and you won't listen to anyone, it's hard to imagine forgiving you love. And if you let too much time pass, it will never happen. It also becomes difficult to go forward in your life without forgiving them. Don't do it for them, do it for you.
I'm not a really religious person but have my moments. And I in no way am pushing my religion. But if you do what was said in the bible at one time, when it was said "forgive them Lord, they no not what they do". Probably not a truer statement spoken.
Forgiving your love will allow you, and them, to go forward in whatever capacity, and not be enemies, and you won't carry that thought of that fight or hatred in your heart.
As far as that woman I met that night, I didn't see gain and didn't know whatever happened. Years later, she attended a gathering that I was at. I got a tap on my shoulder and she said excuse me, you probably don't remember me, but you spoke to me many years ago at the YMCA. I didn't recognize her but of course remembered the circumstance. She wanted to thank me for talking to her and she had made the first step, and everything worked out. Then she introduced me to the person she was with, her sister.
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