Not Attracted To My Spouse
Have you heard it before? You are talking to your friend and finally it comes out. I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore! You have been holding it in forever and didn't want to say it. You're confused, and you look at them like they were an average person on the street. No rush, no hormones raging, not even a twinge!
I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore, so are we just room mates?
A normal question I assure you.
The attraction you felt when you married or started living together doesn't stay the same. Don't we all wish the rush of emotion stayed with us forever. That lust, that passion, that need to have them, NOW! How did you get to the point of saying to yourself, I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore?
But alas, it doesn't. Although it should stay for a good many years, living with the same person day after day, going through life, can be unromantic. But who's fault is that? I wrote in other pages that is up to you as partners to keep up with you physical appearance. It doesn't matter that "I've got him/her now, I don't have to go through all that.
You most certainly do!
If the words "I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore" enter your mind, you need to change what you are destroying.
In partnerships and marriage you spend a lot of time together, and get used to each other. Sometimes you get too used to each other. And they're is nothing wrong going around the house in comfortable attire and relaxing. But all too often we let ourselves go. We wear ratty clothes, don't wear cologne/perfume, no make up, not shaved, hair a mess, and we haven't even touched on weight gain. Would you blame your your partner if they said I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore?
Combine all this with a lack luster sex life, and you have got the makings of a problem. Maybe a real problem? Because you have committed to each other does not mean it's time to let ourselves go. Yes, your life is busy, and yes it's easier to do when you are a little younger, but you better pretend you are still trying to date them, or it will be your fault the romance is gone.
Some people have sex difficulties. Some don't like sex as much as others, or think it's sinful to experiment in the bedroom with toys, and different positions, and what I say to that is, are you crazy? You can't keep doing the same thing over and over and over. They say variety is the spice of life. So...?
I understand that some of you reading this may be shy or backward in that area. That's ok. I'm not saying for you to duplicate full blown porn! What I am saying is, start somewhere.
Lack of sex and money are two sure fire ways to gain an "ex". I promise you.
And your weight? How much have you gained? Do you even look like the same person anymore? I'll bet you really feel attractive? When was the last time you were walking down the street and someone took a second look at you? My point! If no one else is taking a second look at you, why should your wife/husband? What, because they love you? I don't think so.
If you look like a slob, how can you expect your partner to think your attractive? How important is the person in your house to you? How long do you want to keep them? All this is not vanity, it is necessary. It is self pride! It is because you love the person you are with! It's because you love them and they love you.
Once your partner see's you as a room mate they may have an inkling to change room mates. Once people say to themselves, I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore, you have big problems ahead.
Just to admit the feelings to yourself and saying it out loud, "I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore", opens up a whole new way of looking at your relationship. Especially if they don't look to bad and you have let yourself go.
Famous last words, he/she would never leave, we love each other.
Partners or Marriage needs to be kept alive. If you call this "too much work" so be it. And you shouldn't look at like it is work anyway. It is something you not only do for them, but for yourself. People have options these days. Lot's of options. And although you may not be wealthy, and separation would be a financial strain, don't think for one moment that your partner would not walk away. Where there's a will, there's a way! And if one of you has already said the words to themselves, I'm not attracted to my spouse, then your problems may be just beginning.
Think of how much you love your partner/spouse. Would you have looked like this when you were dating? Attraction is what brings people together. It's inside and outside, but it starts from the first time they look at you.
Also, remember that as we age our love become a deeper one. I don't know about you but I can't imagine my grandmother thinking that my grandfather was "hot"! I think you will find that attraction is something you may think of when you are younger. As you age and spend years together, it is not about physical attraction so much, but about love. You know that you really love your partner, and they really love you.
The attraction then is "love". For all that two people have shared from getting married, and through the trials and tribulations of life, jobs, children, jobs, relocations, family, and much more, you survive, experience life, and take on this journey, your partner. You depend on one another, trust one another, and share with one another. That is the attraction.
Ask anyone what they find attractive in a potential partner. They generally will say, someone that makes me laugh, confident, intelligent, nice looking, and kind. So when someone is thinking that they are not attracted to my spouse anymore, all these attributes come into play. It's not just physical.
Especially as we age our physical bodies are going to change, like it or not. All the botox in the world will not work after a while. Your bodies just change. This is the attraction many refer to and we discussed earlier. You can't fight mother nature. It's good, and it's healthy to have pride in your appearance, but as hard as you may fight it, you will start to look older. As we all will age differently, most people will have the ability to stay attractive to about the age of sixty. Some will do it better and longer, and some won't.
And attraction involves not just looks, but being. Do you flirt with your partner? A pinch on the butt, or a kiss on the back of the neck now and then? Attraction is a kind person, a nice personality, confidence, respectful, intelligence, and the list goes on. Attraction is the whole package. So if you think that maybe your partner is mumbling those words, I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore, you have problems you need to solve and fast.
Love, passion, and lust are still in demand! And if you think these things don't matter, you are in for a rude awakening.
Talk to one another. I know some topics are difficult to discuss, and maybe even embarrassing. And sometimes you don't want to bring certain things up as you don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. It's better to talk now, then to have conversations through a divorce attorney, believe me!
Saying "I am not attracted to my spouse anymore" is a revelation. If you are the one saying this, especially if you are younger, then you need to speak with your partner. Tell them how you feel. Keeping this quiet does no one any good. Then you can work on this issue together and hopefully bring back the passion, before it's too late.
There are also times when years go by, you change as people, who no longer provide what each other needs. Life is very short. And some people figure that they don't have that many good, healthy, active years left, and they are not willing to settle anymore, because we all desire to feel that romance, and love remembers.
Not attracted to my spouse anymore? Tell us your story below. Sharing your story, helps others.
Has The Attraction You Had With Your Spouse Disappeared?
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