To truly love someone, your love for each other has to be unconditional love. Period! If there are conditions on your love, then it's not really love, but rather a convenience of sorts. You may get along, and enjoy each others company, but as soon as baggage shows up, differences of opinion, or you say to yourself, this isn't worth it anymore, then your supposed love for each other was not truly unconditional love.
Yes, people change, and some people tend to start to grow apart too. Let's not forget problems with friends and family members that make a relationship go sour too. Then their is the strain of finances, working so many hours that you and your partner become strangers. Raising children isn't as easy as pie, especially if you have ones that are challenged.
There are ex-husbands, ex-wives, step children, loss of jobs, separations, and a multitude of other challenges I haven't even mentioned. Dealing with all these issue's that may affect your lives, and still loving and nurturing each other, is unconditional love.
The separation and/or divorce from each other can then be considered what? Well, to be fair here, there are reasons that even if unconditional love may have existed initially, physical abuse is one very good reason to leave this relationship. And of course there are more, but this article is about unconditional love. The decisions to leave are yours, and yours alone.
When we marry and take vows, they are not to be taken lightly. And when it says, for better or for worse, they mean just that. Today it seems that since no couple, at the time they are getting married, are figuring on the worse, it it easy to say, I DO.
But as problems arise in relationships and marriages, for some if not all, there are bound to be problems. We are human after all. But it is dealing with the issue's, is what unconditional love is all about. They may not be easy, and they may be heartbreaking. But if you remember how much you loved this person the first day you said, I LOVE YOU, then you need to hold that feeling close to your heart, and work it out.
We all fall in lust, and we all fall in like. And I talked about in another article how we tend to use the word love in circumstances that maybe we shouldn't. But, when the word love is used, especially when we get older and become more responsible to the understanding of the meaning of all that this implies, it is supposed to mean unconditional love. No conditions!
True love is unconditional love.
Some may say this is impossible. People change, or they weren't like this when we got together or married, some say. Can it be a difficult situation? In a word, yes. But if you tell someone you love them, and is based on the condition that things never change from where they are now, then is it really love? Or maybe just a lot of like?
Life is full of choices, and every choice you make will determine your future.
Many people just live together, and for some for extended periods of time. Many feel this way if things go south, they have no obligation. But there is an obligation!
If we all could predict what would happen in our lives together with someone, wouldn't that be great?
Many many years ago the average person only lived into their thirties. So even when they married at a very young age, they weren't married that long. Today, the average person lives well beyond double that. Is it then possible to love one person for that many years with true unconditional love?
These are just thoughts for you to ponder on. Do I have all the answers? I don't think so. But the devastating heartache that is caused by people not loving each other with unconditional love is sad. It ruins people's lives, some people die from heartbreak, it tears families apart, and yes, life will go on.
Is our idea of marriage antiquated? Maybe so. It's a matter of opinion I suppose. As we are all different people, we all have a different take on this. The world has changed in so many ways from days gone by. The days of "Leave It To Beaver" are gone forever.
For those of you too young to know what that is, it was a television show in the late fifties or early sixties that portrayed the woman of the house staying home to keep an immaculate house, raise the children, and the husband went to work from 9-5 every day. In addition, he didn't work nights or weekends, owned their home, went on vacation once a year, put the kids through college, AND retired comfortably! That was a mouthful!
As you see, that society does not exist anymore. Women especially are much more independent, and lead busy lives. Many keep a full time job which is no longer a forty hour weeks as in days gone by, but instead sixty hour weeks are the norm.
Women today have interests outside of work and home, and for many raise their children also. And we haven't even talked about all the activities that the children participate in.
For many, life, and a few things you may desire in that life takes more then a one income family. Is your marriage becoming no more then two people just living together?
Marriage, relationships, or whatever your situation, where matters of the heart are concerned, should be about unconditional love. But what happens when you are too busy to keep the home fires burning? And like it is said, relationships take work. Yes, you need to work at these to make them successful. But how many of us want another thing they have to work on? How many of us have the time, strength, or patience? And we haven't even spoke of the desire to begin with.
And with those of us that have children, things get really complicated. Many relationships stay together for the children. It is a fact that children grow up happier and more secure in a two parent home. So when you think you have had it, do you stay together for the kids as so many do? That's unconditional love. Or you could put it this way, you made you bed, now sleep in it!
Decisions, decisions. And we haven't even talked about a multitude of other events we call life, that affect our relationships. When all this comes into play, such as your partner working too much, very little sex in your relationship, falling out of love, bored, your partner getting way out of shape, and lack of passion, just to name a few, what then?
So is unconditional love possible these days? As a hopeless romantic myself, I would like to think so. Is it easy? Hell no. Is there a lot of self sacrificing? You betcha! Are you going to wish things were different? I'm sure. But this is unconditional love. Absolutely NO conditions!
That is a lot. How did people do this for so many years? It was a badge of honor. They were people of honor. They word was their bond. Were they necessarily happy? For some at least, probably not. So do we do what makes us happy, or deal with unhappiness? Good question.
So where do we all go from here in this new age we live in? We all strive for happiness. We all want to be happy. And we all have become a little more selfish. Is that wrong? I don't know. Yes, we only go around once in this life of ours and we all want to experience life on our terms. And as we live longer, God willing, we have more choices, more variety. And you know what they say about variety, variety is the spice of life.
I am sure that waiting to get married until you are a little older is better. However when you are young and in love, no one wants to wait. But love is blind, no doubt. We never see the possible complications of life when in love. But people don't get married until they are a little older these days I think. Is there an answer to all of this? As we are all different people, the answer has to come from you and what you believe. And as we age, what you believe today, may not be what you believe tomorrow.
I believe that what is true love, unconditional love, is not necessarily all the sparks and fireworks that you feel when you first meet that hopefully will last forever. Not a realistic statement. But what I believe what people do not consider is that we are choosing a life partner. Someone that we have to share life together with. Someone that, sure, we desire, especially at first, but someone that we are compatible with, someone we can depend on, someone that we look out for, someone that we enjoy with all their faults.
But if people can start to comprehend marriage, that what ends up like a long date to many, separation is devastating. The separation of two comes with many complications, such as broken hearts, families broken up, and regrets. Does unconditional love even exist anymore? I'll let you ponder on that question, as love remembers.
From the song "What Might Have Been".
Sure I think about you now and thenBut it's been a long, long timeI've got a good life now, and I've moved onSo when you cross my mind...
I try not to think about what might have beenCause that was thenAnd we have taken different roadsWe can't go back again There's no use givin inAnd there's no way to knowWhat might have been
We can sit and talk about this all night longAnd wonder why we didn't last Yes, they might be the best days we will ever knowBut we'll have to leave them in the past...
So try not to think about what might have beenCause that was thenAnd we have taken different roadsWe can't go back againThere's no use givin in And there's no way to know What might have been
That same old look in your eyesIt's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stayBut too much time has gone byWe should just say good bye, and turn and walk away...
And try not to think about what might have beenCause that was thenAnd we have taken different roadsWe can't go back againThere's no use givin inAnd there's no way to knowWhat might have beenNo we'll never know, what might have been